Your frustration level is resonating at a very high level. During the past few months you have identified a person in your organization who appears to have unique talent and potential. To date, your attempts at coaching this individual have been futile and you find this extremely exasperating. She has expressed little interest in your offers to sponsor her at seminars, take on special assignments or read publications that you have recommended.

General Dwight D. Eisenhower has been quoted as using a piece of string as a metaphor for leadership. He stated, "Leadership is like a piece of string. You will not succeed by pushing it, but only by pulling it along." Eisenhower understood that the harder we push the more resistance we often encounter. Despite our best intentions, people often don't like being pushed along.

Before you continue your coaching attempts, determine the answers to the following questions:

• What brought her to your organization and the particular job?

• What does she finds interesting about her work?

• What are her hobbies and outside interests?

• What she would like to do with her life?

The more you learn about her as a person, the higher the probability that you will be able to help her meet her career goals. However, as difficult as it is for many ambitious managers to understand, not every employee is on a crusade of professional advancement. Remember, this individual is a good performer and some day she may be more open to your help. Be happy that she is a good worker and accept her desire to maintain the status quo.

Managers and professional coaches alike can learn from Carl Rogers, the father of American psychology. Rogers believed in approaching his clients with "unconditional positive regard." This philosophy involved helping the client go where he or she wanted to go, not in the direction Rogers wanted the client to go. In his book "On Becoming a Person" (Kramer/Paperback/Published 1995) Rogers states, In my early professional years I was asking the question: How can I treat, or cure, or change this person? Now I would phrase the question this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?

Managers can learn from Rogers about the danger of communicating to an employee that there is something wrong with him or her when they don't buy into your plan for their career. When we have a high performing employee with special promise, we need to be careful not to harm the relationship through our coaching efforts. People change when they are ready, not when we decide that the time is right. Our perception of an un-coachable employee may have more to do with our approach than with the motives of the employee. Sometimes when dealing with a talented employee, building a relationship first, will bring stronger long-term results.

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