I am a 36-year-old marketing director in a life sciences company in North Carolina. It's the time of year when we go through our performance appraisal process and my frustration level is starting to peak. My appraisals are often a mirror image of the previous one. I would like your help in making this year different. My boss does a good job of reviewing my accomplishments against the various organization metrics, but this is where the process stops. I want to find a way to talk about my career options and get some coaching from my boss. He has a great reputation in the business, has much more experience than me and could easily tutor me on how to get to the next level. How do I bring these things up in our meeting?

Not every manager understands how helpful he or she could be in coaching direct reports. First of all, managers in many organizations are not rewarded for taking the time to do these things. Secondly, they often don't know how to coach and mentor. Getting the coaching you want from you boss can happen, but it requires a little planning and diplomacy.

Managers are no different than most people in that they dislike surprises, so don't spring this on him or her with out some advance warning. Keep in mind the limited time parameters for the appraisal meeting. Make a list the topics you would like to discuss with your manager and send him or her a copy. The list might include questions such as:

• "You have an extensive background in international business. What advice would you give me on getting my first international assignment?"

• "I would like to be more involved in acquiring new technology for the company. Could you give me an honest assessment of my skills in this area and recommend some steps I could take to reach this goal?"

• "You are known as someone who is highly accomplished in building bridges between departments. What can I learn from your experience that would help me develop a stronger relationship with department X?"

I'm impressed with your desire to take a more active role in your performance appraisal meeting. If you take the time to adequately prepare your manager, this year's meeting will be immeasurably more satisfying. Let me know how things work out.