I am a scientist in a company near Boston. This is my first job out of grad school and I have been here for about eighteen months. I recently had a performance review with my manager, in which he took me to task on my ability to get along with the people in our organization. No one has ever been as direct with me as my manager was in the review. I have since talked to a few of my colleagues regarding his comments and they all agreed that I have some work to do in the area of relationships. On the positive side, my manager had many good things to say about my technical contributions, but indicated that my upward mobility is limited unless I improve my relationship skills. What advice can you give me?

Be grateful for a manager who has the courage to be so straight with you. You now have an opportunity to do something about his feedback. The fact that you have not become defensive tells me a lot about you. If you work on your relationship skills I'm sure you will see great benefits.

I would recommend a three-step process to improve these skills:

1. Analyze

2. Execute

3. Evaluate

Analyze: You need to determine the specific behaviors that are turning people off and getting in the way of your success. Set up another meeting with your manager. Be prepared to tell him that you have taken his comments to heart and want to improve your relationship skills. Ask him to be as specific as possible on situations where you have been ineffective in dealing with people. With his help, determine which skills would be the most important to work on first. Don't focus on more than one or two behaviors initially or your efforts will be diluted.

Execute: Let's assume, for example, that you have identified " frequently interrupts people" as an area for improvement. Over the next thirty days commit to working on reducing the frequency of this behavior. Ask one or two of your colleagues to keep track of your improvement and to let you know if you fall off the wagon.

Evaluate: At the mid-point of the thirty-day period sit down with your colleagues and ask for specific feedback on your ability to curtail interrupting others. Hopefully you will receive good news on your efforts. Select another relationship skill to work on over the next thirty days using the same process. As the weeks go by your should start to receive unsolicited feedback on your improving skills from others in the organization.

Homework: I am also recommending that you begin to create a Relationship Hall of Fame. Identify those individuals within your company who are exceptional at building relationships. Whenever possible, observe these people and learn from them. If possible, set up meetings with a few of them to get their advice on specific communication/ relationship challenges.