In the initial installment of this article (Part A), I wrote about the first three Laws of Communication for Leaders which included (1) You can't lead from the corner office, (2) Adjust your style to the individual listener and (3) Reprimanding without empathy is counterproductive. Part A can be found on my website www.mjcampbellassoc.com under Newsletter in the Communications Coaching section. In this issue, the final three laws of communication are described.

4. Validate your important messages with listeners

   How many times have you said, "That's not what I meant," "You misunderstood me," or "That's not what I asked you to do." As leaders, we often spend endless hours designing a message for employees, only to be disappointed by the failure of people to understand what was said or to take the appropriate action. It is important to understand that in some cases we are communicating about topics that we have worked on for months. This information, however, is often new to others in the organization. They may need to receive the message in different formats such as voice mail or a webcast. Savvy leaders make sure that all important messages are understood. They ask people, in creative ways, to paraphrase their messages. "How, in your own words, would you describe what I've asked you to do?" "What are your initial ideas on this project?" "How would you describe my request to the people in your department?"

   The insightful leader is also highly proficient at sensing, in one-on-one communication, when his or her message is confusing or unclear. These leaders pick up quickly on verbal and non-verbal cues. They know it's time to clarify their messages whenever listeners glance at the floor, show physical nervousness or fail to ask questions. Don't take anything for granted! Validate your messages and avoid costly misunderstandings.

5. Formal communication is insufficient to build strong relationships

   You work in an incredibly faced-paced world and often spend your days going from one meeting to another. The people who attend these meetings are trained to be succinct and unemotional. This style of communication makes it very difficult to know people as total human beings. Successful communicators take the time, through informal communication, to get to know the people they work with at a personal level.

   As a young human resources manager, I learned the importance of building informal relationships from a well-respected manager. He explained this valuable lesson with the following words, "It has only been in recent years that I have made it a priority to get to know my direct reports on a personal basis. In the past, they might have had a child in the hospital, be going through a divorce or have lost a close friend and I would be totally in the dark. Now I take the time to drop in on people to discuss non-work subjects and to get to know them better. I'm a much better manager now because of this additional communication. We are more connected as individuals and we are performing better. There is less stress in my day and frankly work is much more enjoyable." This manager grew to understand that without these informal connections, work was a very sterile place.

6. Be aware of the law of consequences

   Our messages all have consequences. They have the power to motivate, inform or discourage. Effective communicators know that, in particular, there is a price to pay for unfair criticism or sarcasm. This phenomenon was explained to me many years ago in a training session on creative problem solving. The consultant facilitating the program stated that he often observed that when one team member unfairly criticized another, within fifteen minutes the person reciprocated by undercutting, in some way, his or her colleague. This cycle can be repeated in meetings often severely impacting any hope of a successful outcome.

   The coaching clients I work with are often under serious time pressures, scrutiny by Wall Street and demanding bosses. The people they lead have high expectations for their communication style. Meeting these expectations is not an easy task, and yet the price for constant interrupting, verbal chastisement or inadvertent embarrassment is very predictable. The individual on the receiving end of this treatment will "reciprocate" often in passive aggressive ways. At minimum, he or she will communicate their experience with the leader to all who will listen. Be aware of the law of consequences and you will have a high probability of winning people over whenever you communicate.