Betty Phillips was promoted into the job of her dreams three months ago. As a nurse manager in a large teaching hospital in New York, she was now in a position to apply her hard earned MBA and fully use her natural leadership skills. By every measure, she should be on cloud nine. She is a respected member of the leadership team, the hours are more regular, her salary is very good and the responsibilities fit her strengths perfectly. Right now, however, it's 3:00 AM, and she is sitting in her living room with the TV for company, and she is miserable. Betty would give anything to be back in her old job. She longs to be just "one of the staff." She is truly puzzled. and is at a loss to explain her feelings.

What do you think is going on here? Is Betty in over her head? Did she make a mistake in taking this job? Is she somehow neurotic or is what she is experiencing a normal part of any major life transition?

In reflecting on Betty's situation, I pulled down off the shelf, my well-worn copy of William Bridges classic, "Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes" to more fully understand Betty's struggle. William Bridges refers to Betty's feelings as symptomatic of what he calls the Neutral Zone. She no longer fits in her old job and has yet to be integrated into the nurse manager's position. In many respects, Betty is grieving for a time in her life that is forever gone. She is experiencing the best kept secret of all new leaders, "transitioning into new positions can often be isolating and lonely!"

Those of us who coach leaders are not immune to the isolation associated with a major career change. As a young man, I left a company where I had earned high credibility and enjoyed many friends, to move to a training manager's job in a new city. My first assignment took me to Palm Desert, California to conduct a two-day workshop for the top sales managers in the company. The event was a success and I left on an emotional high. I flew back to Boston, dropped my bags in my apartment, and believe it or not, got in my car and drove one hour back to my old neighborhood to seek out my friends and colleagues. The loneliness and isolation of the new job, despite my recent success, was overwhelming. Fortunately for me, I eventually worked through this difficult period with the help and guidance of the people close to me.

So how do leaders navigate this difficult phenomenon that frequently accompanies career change?

• Anticipate and Accept - The first step in dealing with the Neutral Zone, is to understand that this experience is fairly common. Psychologists tell us that our identities at work are defined by a number of factors including: relationships, status, routines and titles. Is it any wonder that we miss our old way of life when we move on? The intensity of these feelings often catches us off guard. It is important to understand that these situations are normal and temporary. In "Transitions," William Bridges suggests that we cope with the Neutral Zone by finding a regular time and place to be alone. As tempting as it may be to stay ultra busy and ignore the Neutral Zone, such behavior may result in missing the many valuable insights this period can offer. Meditation, quiet time or jogging can be ideal ways to make the most of this challenging time, even if only for a half-hour each day. It just might be that Betty Phillips, in her own way, is doing that during her late night reflections.

• Act As If - The challenges of isolation and loneliness are especially difficult for first-time managers and leaders. The pull to "remain one of the gang" is strong and must be dealt with directly. At these times, it's important that we 'act as if" we feel confident even when we don't. In a recent interview, the division president of a medical devices company offered the following advice on this subject, New managers need to recognize that the organization, especially if they grew up in that organization, expect them to be different. Intent and impact are magnified in this case. Even if you want the organization to see you as the same person, they demand that you fill the role of President, VP, etc. So even when you are struggling with your new role "act as if" you are fully comfortable with your responsibilities or to use my favorite quote, "fake it until you make it." Betty Phillips may be having a have a difficult time with her transition, but when the bell rings and she joins the hustle and bustle at work, she can benefit from " acting as if" as she puts one foot in front of the other.

• Focus on Your Mission - A senior executive recently shared with me how he learned to manage the period of isolation that took place three months into his new job. This individual was completely surprised by his "illogical" desire to return to his old job and its familiar surroundings. He turned to a trusted friend for advice and was asked the following question, "What was it that initially attracted you to your current position?" "What were your hopes and dreams for the new situation?" The executive quickly described, in some detail, his mission for the new job and as he did, his misgivings and contradictory feelings began to dissipate. What is your compelling mission for your job and how does it keep you going in difficult times?

Every major life change including weddings, births and new jobs brings with it conflicting feelings. Keep in mind that in career changes, this Neutral Zone is highly predictable and normal. I hope that whenever you encounter this challenging phenomenon, you apply these suggestions and become even more successful in your career.

M. J. Campbell Associates offers a coaching process, "The Successful Transition," to assist newly appointed managers and executives in successfully transitioning to a new position. Please check our Successful Transition page for details.