A close friend asked me recently to speak to an unemployed executive he was helping to find a new position. Tom is an extremely bright, highly energetic executive with an outstanding resume. As he sat across from me at my local Starbucks, I was having a hard time figuring out why he had been unemployed for fourteen months. A few days later, a former colleague of Tom’s confided in me that, “Tom had few friends or supporters when they worked together.” As talented as Tom is, people found him as competitive, critical of others and only out for himself. The question quickly came to mind, “Do you have to be liked to succeed?”

During my twenty-five years in human resource management, I frequently heard these somewhat defensive comments, “I don’t need to be liked, only respected.” This statement was usually made by someone who found daily human interactions challenging and not worth his or her efforts. Others individuals would state, “I’m a very direct person. If people can’t handle the truth then that’s their problem” or “My good work should speak for itself. I don’t do politics.” Individuals such as these, as you might imagine, do not score highly on the “likeability scale.” People do not go out of their way to help them succeed. In fact they only interact with them when it is absolutely necessary.

Individuals who are perceived as “likeable” have distinct advantages. They get things done when others can’t. They are more quickly forgiven when they make mistakes. They are often the first to be considered when promotional opportunities arise. So what is it that characterizes individuals who are highly likeable?

• Projects a positive attitude and demeanor

  The world of work today is highly stressful. People are working longer hours with extraordinary focus on quick results. Someone who complains only adds to that stress. People who are well liked are able to rise above daily challenges. They are results oriented and problem solvers. When they walk into a room, the energy level automatically goes up. They have a smile on their face and walk with an energetic pace. The truth be told, they have as many problems as others, but have learned to leave them at the workplace door. In my most difficult times at work, I made it my business to seek out these individuals on a regular basis. It was amazing to find my own attitude change for the better after only a few minutes with such an individual.

• Listens without interrupting

  I often ask in my seminars, speeches and courses, “Who listens to you for five minutes without interrupting?” The answer is often, “I can’t think of anyone.” When we find someone who listens without judging or changing the subject, we know that we have found an unusual person. A few minutes with him or her can be affirming, renewing and encouraging. When this person makes a request of us it goes to the top of our "to do” list. The next time you are in a meeting, observe the people who feel compelled to talk constantly and then carefully watch the individual who thinks before he or she speaks and almost always has something of value to say. Which one of these individuals would you want to have a beer with or a cup of coffee?

• Recognize the good work of others

  People who are secure in themselves have no problem recognizing the positive accomplishments of colleagues and direct reports. They recognize that even the most accomplished individual needs to have his or her work acknowledged. As an HR manager, early in my career, I would frequently conduct exit interviews with top performers who were leaving to join another company. It was not unusual for these individuals to say, “I’m leaving because no one cared about my work. Yes, I received good raises, but rarely did my manager talk to me directly about my accomplishments.

  Take the time to compliment people for unusually good work. Make sure you do this privately for those who are uncomfortable with public praise. For all others, don’t hesitate to praise in public. Always remember the words of Theodore Roosevelt, “Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.”

Your influence in the organization will increase in direct proportion to how often you: maintain a positive attitude and demeanor, listen without interrupting and recognize the good work of others. Being liked at work does make a difference!

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